Celebrating a Major Milestone....

I want to begin this post by saying it has to be the most personal and challenging one I have had to write.  While I am excited to celebrate an accomplishment and share the truth of the journey I am on, it is scary all the same.

All of my friends and family know how I have struggled with my weight over the years.  I have never been the skinniest girl in the room, not even in high school, although looking back now, I can hardly believe I EVER thought I was fat then.... but nonetheless, especially since I had Mallory, I have been at an unprecedented and unhealthy weight.

It is always fun to look at cute pictures of Mallory, or recount all of the fun adventures of Mommyhood.  I am always careful to crop out any unflattering pictures of me, at every angle imaginable.  But what I am really cropping out is the shame I feel for being on such an unhealthy and never ending roller coaster of weight loss and gain.  This blog is meant to represent my heart, and the goings-on of life for the Kistler family.  It just wouldn't be an honest representation if I didn't share what has become the BIGGEST part of my life since Charles left for Korea.

After almost 2 months of hard work, I am finally ready to share with everyone the journey I have begun, and am excited to continue.  On April 15, I joined a fantastic gym, and with the help of a nutritionist and a personal trainer, I have lost.... TWENTY POUNDS!!!!!!  That is 20 pounds in just about 6 weeks!  I feel utter and pure motivation; all the tears, aches, pains and insecurity I have experienced the past several weeks have been chiseled away to reveal a determination and drive I never knew I had in me.

When Charles left, I gave up fast food AND soda- cold turkey.  I had the shakes for about a week, but now I hardly miss either one.  I see my trainer for one hour sessions twice a week, and weigh in with the nutritionist weekly.  I am counting calories, and plan to join Weight Watchers when my sessions with the nutritionist are up.  I do one hour of cardio on my own for 4 other days, taking one day "off" a week.

The journey started out SLOW... only 1-2 pounds a week.  But once I got in the groove, I actually looked forward to going to the gym, and the weight loss continued.  In the middle of it all, I got an INSANE case of food poisoning, which helped me lose 6 pounds in the two weeks I was house-bound.... not ideal by any means, but I will take it any way I can get it!

I NEVER thought I would be confident enough to post before/after pictures for all to see, but the truth of the matter is, you all knew what I looked like.... I was only hiding the truth from myself.  So here is a sampling of how I looked in April and May:

Look at Charles..... and look at me!!!  Oh my golly-gosh!

This picture was taken just a few days before he left for Korea.

Only a few days after he left... I went and signed up for the gym the next day.

Yes, I had my last sinful meal at Chili's.... sadly, I can't even remember what it was!

This was taken the day before I met with my trainer for the first time.

Oh my- look at my arm!  Yikes!

And here is the cheesy picture of my progress, and ME..... twenty pounds lighter!!!!!!!

I  really see the difference in my face the most.........

                                        April 2010                                 June 2010

So there you have it.  My very personal and honest naked truth.  While I doubt I will ever post my actual numerical weight for all to see, I will say I have 40 pounds left to go to reach the goal I set for myself while Charles is gone.  60 pounds in a year/5 pounds a month.  I am ashamed I have that much to lose, but motivated to make it happen all the same.  Who knows, at this rate, maybe I will lose even more!

Your prayers and encouragement are appreciated as I venture into this new lifestyle.  I know I will have good days and bad ones, some good weeks and some rotten ones.  But I am determined to shed not only pounds, but years of insecurity and shame.  So many of you have inspired me, and you may not even know it.  So, here's to you.... and here's to a beginning of what is sure to be a happy ending for me and my family.

"The miracle will not be me finishing; 

the miracle will always be that I had the courage to start."

- John Bingham